There was a crabbit rabbit had an awfa dirty habit
This crabbit rabbit used to pick his toes
Said he liked to keep them clean so he picked them with a peen
Then tae clean the peen he rubbed it on his clothes
Now all the other rabbits didnae like his dirty habits
And they told him he should wash his feet in watter
And until the day he did they promised that he wid
Forever be a rabbita non grata
Or as the Bailieston folk poet Andrew Daisley has so aptly said
Out of the house to steal he stole
A bag of clink he clunk
A wicked little smile ha he smole
And a wicked little wink he wunk
Which was his translation of the heroic epic by Colin Hood:
Rabbie wrote about the Toothache
Man he fairly went his mile
But I wonder if Rabbie
Ever had the bile
If ever he had had it
He'd know the bile's nae joke
Whenever it affects me
It just gies me the boke
Which beautiful poem is not as widely known as his observations that the height of success was two homosexuals pushing a pram or that the Prime Minister never picked his nose, otherwise he'd have picked a better one which of course is a nasty way of saying that he wasn't two faced or he wouldn't be wearing the one he is.
But if you happen to think that all the aforesaid is the height of nonsense, you're wrong; and to prove it have a listen to this album.
My heartfelt thanks to John, Mike, Brian and Roy of the Waverleys and to Ian Green and Davie Scougall of the Edinburgh Police Angling Club as indeed to the entire Edinburgh Police for resisting the temptation to apprehend me while I was in their hands.
By the way please do not allow this LP to fall into your children's hands, unless you consider that they are as broad minded as you were at their age.
Patron Sinner of Scotland.